I was washing up when I first saw him, waddling across the lawn as if out for a Sunday stroll.  Of course I shouted the kids straight away, and my son was first on the scene to give this strange creature a cursory glance before he said “Great, Mum” and returned to his computer game.  My daughter - the wildlife enthusiast, who has desperately wanted to see a ‘real’ hedgehog ever since she saw one in a picture book - was slower in coming down from her bedroom and arrived just as he disappeared under a thick holly bush.

Undeterred she set up camp beside the bush (which runs the length of our garden and borders with next door) , declaring her intent to remain there until he came out again, even if it took ‘forever’.  I sat with her for a while, trying to keep he really quiet and still and out of sight of the bush so he wouldn’t know she was there.  Fifteen minutes later I gave up and went back to the washing up, hoping that ‘forever’ wouldn’t last past bedtime.  When I looked out of the window again she was singing  loud ‘hedgehog songs’ and stomping up and down beside the bush. 

And unbelievably, out he waddled.  As she froze with delight at this strange little creature, he pottered up to her feet, gave her sandals a sniff and headed back over the lawn, excited small girl in hot pursuit.

They explored the whole garden together.  She named him Spike.  He didn’t seem to mind.  He drank milk from a saucer as she held it and took bits of chicken from her hand.  When she didn’t follow him into the undergrowth, he came back out as if to find her.  It was quite extraordinary.  She had a magical hour playing with this little hedgehog before regretfully coming in for bed… and I have a feeling he might just be there again tomorrow.  Her perseverance was well rewarded - and then some! 

But I had given up on waiting and gone back to the washing up.

I wonder how often God has been about to reveal Himself to me, when I have given up on waiting and gone back to the mundane?  I wonder how close have I been to breakthrough when I stopped praying? I wonder how many magical times I have missed because I just didn’t wait a little longer?   I wonder how much I have missed because I didn’t really believe anything would happen?

I need to learn to wait.  I need to learn to wait until God reveals Himself to me, and I need to have the persistance  and assurance to carry on waiting even if it takes ‘forever’.  There is a lot about waiting for God in the Psalms.  Psalm 72:14 “Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord“  It is hard sometimes, waiting for God to reveal Himself in the middle of my husband’s slow recovery from extreme ill health, my son’s struggles with a new gluten free diet, financial difficulties, work stress… But breakthrough will come. 

And until it does, I want to learn to wait as my daughter did: with joy and hope and expectation. 

We don’t have to wait quietly either.  As I’m about as still and quiet usually as my daughter (!), I might just sing loudly and stomp up and down while I’m waiting.  It doesn’t have to be a quiet and contemplative activity - I learnt that today as well.  I think that what God is looking for from us is persistence and faith. 

And He will come.  He always does.

Not that she hasn’t been swimming before: but the pool we regularly go to is one depth all the way across, so she can stand up.  This weekend she opted to join in my son’s ‘Stupid O’Clock’ (7am) Triathlon training in a different pool.  She set off quite happily doing a slightly wonky front crawl, but stopped abruptly halfway across and when the coach walked back to see what the problem was, she informed him in no uncertain terms: “That end’s deep.  I don’t go deep.”

Being an experienced coach, he assured her that this was fine.  She may have to complete all future triathlons in a garden pond but she could stay within her depth if she wished.  She spent most of the session swimming half lengths. 

Until near the end of the session, when the other children were diving for bricks in the deep end and having a great time.  My daughter splashed around in the shallows watching enviously until the coach wandered back to her and asked if she would like a go. 

Would she ever!  She started in the very shallow end, and brought the brick back easily. Would she like another go?  How about a bit further on? Slight hesitation but it was only a bit further… and a couple of meters at a time she worked her way across the pool, diving for the brick and bringing it up with pride shining on her beaming little face.  All the way across the coach kept asking her, “A bit deeper?  Just a bit deeper?”  and it wasn’t long before she was right down the deep end and diving two meters down for that brick.

Yes.  It was another Proud Mummy moment.

But God did point out to me, as we drove home, listening to a dive by dive commentary of her achievements, that He teaches us faith like that.  A bit at a time.  Challenges we can handle at first, then a bit further, a bit deeper.  A bit deeper still until suddenly we find ourselves out of our depth.  But we know we can do it (because we did it not so far back) so He takes us a bit deeper still.   And all the while our ‘coach’ is there at the side, shouting encouragement: “You can do it!  Bit further!  Well done!  And again” 

The challenges get tougher, the stakes get higher, His calls on our time and our obedience can get more difficult.   We think we have our doctrines sorted and He blows them apart.  We think an aspect of our character is dealt with… and we suddenly realise it’s not.  The bills get bigger - we need bigger faith. A bit further. A bit deeper.

We all want to go deeper.  It does mean getting out of our depth.  That’s the scary bit.

But I want that sort of faith where I’m out of my depth.  Where I have to rely on God, I have to pray and I have to choose to trust Him when He says I can do it.  It’s an uncomfortable place to be sometimes.  There are days when I want to get right back down to the shallow end and splash around a bit. But my faith isn’t going to grow there.  Why would it need to when my feet are firmly on the ground?  Here in the deep end it’s hard work and it’s tiring and there are times when I really don’t think I can keep my head above water.

But we just can’t develop a deep faith in shallow water.

As my daughter found out this weekend, there’s a far greater sense of achievement in the deep end.

And her triathlons are no longer restricted to the garden pond! 

The wonderful thing about God is that He is the best communicator in the universe and He knows exactly how each of us hears Him best.

Think about trying to direct someone to a place they have never been before.  My husband likes to know the road numbers (I think that’s a man thing!), my Mum likes landmarks to guide her, while my Dad just needs to listen to the directions and he will memorise the ‘first left, third right’ etc.  I like to see a map and fix it in my mind before I set off… We all tend to have a best way of receiving communication.

And God understands that!

Which is why He may speak to one person through pictures, another through literature and art, another through the Bible (yes - I know He speaks to all of us through the Bible, but some receive more from Him that way), and to another through dreams.   I know people who have heard the audible voice of God, and others who ‘hear Him’ in their minds though not through their ears.  Some people feel what He feels.  Some hear Him through creation and some through song.

Most of us hear God in a variety of different ways.  But there is often one main way in which He speaks to you.

It’s well worth listening, and working out what that is.  Think about a time when God spoke to you and you knew beyond any doubt that it was Him.  How did you hear Him?  What did His voice sound like to you? How did you feel? 

And when you hear Him next time it will be easier.  But don’t expect Him to speak to you the same way He does to other people around you.  Your relationship with Him is unique.  So is your communication with Him. 

Rejoice!  And enjoy listening!

Definitely not.  It is hope deferred, which the Bible says ‘Makes the heart sick’ but it is not sin.  Which of us doesn’t get disappointed once in a while?  We live in a fallen mess up world and bad things happen and sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers in the way we expect (or hope) and we are bound to get disappointed once in a while.   We don’t like to admit it, because, well we just don’t,but sometimes even as Christians we can get disappointed the way life is working out;

• Why am I not married?  I’ve waited so long for the right person?
• Why did that relationship fall apart?
• Why am I stuck in this dead end job?  I have so much more in me?
• Why can’t I have a baby?
• Why am I so lonely?

I was looking through the Bible the other day for examples of people in the Bible who were disappointed and how they dealt with it.  I didn’t actually find anyone who was described as being disappointed… but I found many people who must have been through periods of disappointment during their life and ministry.

• Joseph must have wondered what was going on during the long years he spent in jail
• Mary, the mother of Jesus must have felt a little put out when she arrived at Bethlehem to find ‘no room at the Inn’. About to give birth to the Son of God, couldn’t one of the angels have reserved her  room at a B&B?
• Mary, the sister of Lazerus was disappointed that Jesus didn’t arrive in time to heal her brother.  In fact she was so fed up she wouldn’t even go out to greet Jesus when he did arrive four days ‘too late’.

Of course, we read the whole story when we read the Bible.  Joseph’s long years are covered in a few verses.  We know the end of the stories.  We read with the expectation of a happy ending.  We don’t always see the months or years of disappointment and heartache and crying out to God that they went through between verses six and seven.  We know that Joseph was vindicated and got the top job, we know that Mary was okay in that stable and God had His reasons for it, we know that Jesus had resurrection plans for Lazerus.

And I did say to God, in the middle of my Bible study, “But it was alright for them.  It all worked out okay in the end”

And His reply came clearly by return: ‘But you’re not at the end of your story yet.’

And we’re not.  Life might be very difficult right now.  We might wonder what on earth is going on and where God is in it all and it might be very difficult to envisage a happy ending.  It will come.  A happy ending is assured for every Christian.  May not be on this planet.  But one day we will stand before His throne where every tear is wiped way and live happily ever after.

 I must admit, I’d rather have my ‘happily ever after’ right now.  But I’m trusting God.  His timing is perfect.  Our breakthrough will come.

And so will yours.  Keep hoping.  It’s the antidote to disappointment.

Habakuk was around about the same time as Jeremiah.  Tough time in Israel’s history! It was probably at the end of Josiah’s reign or soon after.  Josiah had found the book of the law in the Temple, and for a while God’s people had turned back to Him and were living according to His instructions… but not for long!  They were back to their old ways: sin, degradation and a total disregard for God (sound familiar?)

Habakuk cried out to God in the middle of all this. (He was the first prophet, by the way, to write to God instead of to the people. Then he published the conversation so they could listen in.) In paraphrase of the first chapter, it was a case of “Don’t you care, God?  Why are you letting your people get away with this?  Why don’t you do something about it?” He was angry.  He didn’t understand what God was doing… or wasn’t doing!

And God answered, in a way that Habakuk really didn’t expect, and assured him that He was aware of the sin of the people, and was going to do something about it: he was going to send in the Babylonians to invade and take over the nation.

“You’re what???”

Habakuk did not like this response at all!  The Babylonians were cruel, barbaric and not only disobeyed the laws of God, they had absolutely no concept of them!  Yet God was going to use them to teach His people a lesson.  How does that work? 

We had a Church leader from Hong Kong at our Church this weekend. He was talking about the persecution of Christians in China and saying that it was the best thing that ever happened to them.  In the West we pray that the persecution finishes.  In the East their attitude is “Bring it on!” and the Church over there is growing at a rate of 10,000 a day.  Mmmm.  Interesting.

God doesn’t often answer our questions the way we want Him to.  He sees a much bigger picture.  We know now that the persecution of the early Church in Acts led to Christianity being spread across the world.  I’m not sure I would have seen that if I had been alive in the first century, dreading the sound of roman boots heading to where I and my children slept.

Habakuk lived through the terror of those days of waiting.  He didn’t understand what God was doing, didn’t get it!  But He didn’t give way to bitterness or despair.  He kept the lines of communication with God wide open.

Maybe that’s the main thing I’ve learnt from the first part of Habakuk.  Keep talking to God.  Dare to ask the questions.  Even more importantly keep listening to God and I might just get some answers.  Even if they’re not the answers I want.  God sees a much bigger picture and who am I to argue?

 I asked a lot of people that question last week, in preparation for a talk I was doing.  The vast majority of the adults I asked said they would have to think about it and get back to me.  They never did.

 The children, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate!  They had some great questions:

• Why didn’t God let us breathe in space?
• Did Adam get to see dinosaurs?
•  Can God sing?
• What was God doing all the time before He made the world?
• Is my rabbit in heaven?
• Why did God let my Granny die?
• Why didn’t God heal my Daddy when I asked Him to?
• Why am I sad when I’m supposed to be happy?

I’m with the kids!  I think asking questions is a good thing!  I have loads of them.  I want to know why penguins’ feet don’t freeze?  And whether bees have ears?  And what exactly is anti-matter?

And why hasn’t God healed my Steve when we’ve been praying so long?  And why do primary schools get crushed in earthquakes? and will it really all be alright in the end?

The questions are there in most of us.  The problem is that as adults we don’t always like to verbalise them.  They seem to suggest a lack of faith or understanding and we bury them deep.  Sometimes in the silence of the night we dare to ask God.  And there is no reply.  Who else can we ask? We hold it all together in Church and nobody knows…

God knows our questions.  He knows our heart and everything about us, of course He does.  He remains sovereign and un-offended.  The questions remain.  If we do not ask them they can fester within us and turn to bitterness or unbelief.  If we dare to ask them, like Habakuk, or Job or some of the Psalmists, we might actually get some answers, even if they are not the answers we want.  We might at least grow in the searching.

If you could ask God any question, what would you ask Him? 

Ask!

I don’t think I mentioned here that a couple of months ago, a very polite gentleman drove into the back of me while I was driving Steve’s car.  At least, I wasn’t driving it at the time so much as sitting, minding my own business at the roundabout next to Sainsbury’s when there was a bang and a bump and I got out and he got out and we looked at the scratch and bent towbar and he apologised and we swapped numbers.  When Steve examined it later, he commented that it now matched the scratch I’d put up the side of it by scraping along the gate post that winter (in my defense it had been very late and very frosty and the gate post moved.)

Anyway, Steve wasn’t inclined to pursue it, but the very polite gentleman had a very insistant insurance company who rang up and sent an assessor round, and in the chaos of the last few weeks we just forgot about it.  To be honest it didn’t even make the ‘C List’ of trials and tribulations, and we were to busy panicking and praying about where we were going to find a car for me that we could actually afford…

Can you guess what happened?  I was shopping this morning when Steve rang, and he happened to open the post while talking to me when I heard this great screech and he went into hallelujah meltdown for five minutes before relaying the contents of the letter from the insurance company.  They were writing his car off.  It would cost too much to repair the scratch across the back, and the bent tow-bar… would we be prepared to receive £800 instead?

Would we ever?!  That goes a long way toward a new car!

So I’m praising God today because He really does ‘work all things to the good for those who love the Lord’.  Some may say it was sheer co-incidence.  Amazing how many co-incidences happen when we pray!   There seem to have been a lot of problems recently and it’s fantastic to get a solution to one of them.

And, as He whispered to me in the middle of the vegetable aisle, maybe I need to trust Him a bit more for the solutions to the problems.  Because He is a loving God who cares about the little details.  Next time I hope I will do more praying than panicking. 

And despite being rather irritated about it at the time, I’m now really grateful for the very polite gentleman who drove into the back of me while I was driving Steve’s car!

• Steve went to another healing meeting, and as he lined up with the others to be prayed for the guy next to him went flying over, hitting him in the temple with his elbow and nearly knocking him unconscious.  Steve had a blinding headache for the next three days! And no, there was no miraculous healing for him.

• We had to cancel our family holiday to the South Coast because of the leaky radiator on Steve’s car.

• In an attempt to make it up to the kids, we decided to drive to the water park in a nearby city (in my car).  The head gasket blew and we spent most of the afternoon sitting at the side of the duel carriageway waiting for the RAC to rescue us.

          Which means we have two cars off the road - mine probably permanently - and no spare cash to cover it.

• Then we received the diagnosis that our eight year old son has tested positive for ceoliac disease.  

So all in all, things seem to have gone from bad to worse!

I’ve had to really choose my attitude this week.  Choose to keep worshipping God, choose to keep trusting that, in the end, He will work all things to the good.  Choose to keep smiling.  I can’t choose my circumstances but I can choose my attitude.

I’m not ever so good at it but I’m learning.  As we sat at the side of the busy road on Thursday, with hundreds of cars whizzing past us, we chose to play the ’Bless you’ game, and we prayed for every car that passed (we chose a few colours each).  We prayed that God would bless and heal and save those drivers.  

Maybe one day in heaven God will introduce me to someone who is there because we prayed for them on Thursday.  I hope so.  It would be worth a blown head gasket!

Maybe.

 Meanwhile, if it’s true that it ‘Always gets darkest just before the dawn’ then it must be nearly morning!